Hi p52clickers, here we are at the top of another month and a new theme. Self Portraits. (I imagine that followed by some ominous music). It seems this is a theme associated with some strong feelings, most either love them or hate them. I am not here to talk to you about how to do self portraits, we have several lessons, new and old, coming at you this month that will do exactly that, but instead, I'd like to chat about why you should do them (even if you hate them).
Let me start by introducing myself, I am Lindsay Craig and I have six kids. My life is busy and chaotic and I try to use photography to find the beauty in the midst of all the noise. It is hard to pin point where exactly my photography journey began, it has always interested me as an art form. I took a couple classes in high school and one in college, all were black and white and we developed our own prints. I wasn’t very good back then and took a break from it until I bought my DSLR in 2011. It took me longer than I’d care to admit to learn how to use my camera and another chunk of time to really start editing my images and then a few years to hone in on my style. It has been a slow and steady journey and I am just glad to be where I am currently and I know that I still have so much room for growth.
For me, finding my why was everything. If you don’t have a purpose, how can you expect to do anything with greatness? We take pictures to remember. To remember moments, stories, people, beauty, and the list goes on. Ask any photographer why they take pictures and I guarantee they have an answer and behind that answer is passion. Why should self portraits be any different? So, why do we take self portraits? Is it to be remembered? Is it a creative outlet? Is it a way to express yourself? The reason and the drive behind it will be different for each person. For me, I started taking self portraits as another photography style to try and to be able to say, “Look! I can do this too!” But at the end of the day, there was no passion, no real drive other than a check mark on a to-do list. One day, I got in the mood to take some self portraits, my kids weren’t being particularly cooperative and I was annoyed so I grabbed my tripod and locked them out of my room. I shot several frames and edited the pictures and was pleased with how they came out. And, truth be told, I had a bit of fun in the process.
I am going to pause there and back up a bit. In the past I’d do self portraits and I found I was rigid and incredibly awkward. I never knew what to do with with my hands (Imagine Will Farrell in Talladega Nights being interviewed by the news anchor), or my face. Do I smile with teeth? Do I do a small smile? Do I do a serious face? And for the love of God, where do I look? At the camera, down, up, to the side, maybe I should just shut my eyes until it’s all over? And guess what? My pictures came out rigid and awkward as a result. Maybe I would accidentally get one good one in there I could pass off as something, but it was never anything great, or moving or even creative feeling. I would plan out what I wanted to do and it still would come out underwhelming. I just wasn’t great at self portraits and figured that’s okay I have other talents and I moved on.
This was a few years ago. So New Years day of 2020 hits and I had committed to doing a 365 just the night before and I wanted this to be a year of growth for me both in my business and personal photography. I decided along with my 365, I’d do at least one self portrait a month. In hindsight, we all just laugh and laugh (and quite possibly sob into our pillows) at our naivety of making resolutions for 2020 because clearly this year has a mind and an agenda all of its own. Covid hits and I am motivated to document our days quarantined at home and how we are surviving it. A few months pass and the whole thing is getting old, I am longing to go to a park and do something and the blah-ness of my life started to transfer over to my photography. I kept going with my 365, but it was clearly lacking motivation and creativity. You see, photography has always been an outlet for me when life gets hard. I turn to it to slow down and appreciate, to find beauty and humor in the difficult moments of raising 6 kids. But covid was bigger than that and you could see the creativity dwindling as the year went on. So there was this day of self portraits that was almost fun and then a couple days later I got the itch to do it again. My husband was gone and I happened to notice the light in the garage seemed fun and it had a big blank wall. I threw on a dress and went outside and just had fun with it. I wasn’t thinking in the back of my mind, “Oh my gosh, what if someone walks in a sees me? They’ll think I look ridiculous!” I just let go and did what felt right in the moment. And. It. Was. Amazing. And. I wanted more… I felt a little guilty about that last part, like how self centered am I that I want to do these self portraits all the time now? But then, I came to a realization. I spend every waking moment with my children. Every. Single. Day. Without a break. They are now doing school online, so 24 hours a day I am in mom mode. And, on top of that, my creative outlet was taking pictures of my children. Don’t get me wrong I love those little jerks, but it was too much. What I realized on this day was that taking self portraits was something I did 100% by myself and for myself. It’s not for anyone else, it’s for me and it’s the one way I can think of to give myself a break and fill my soul in the process. Since they are just for me, I can let my creativity fly and just do what feels right in that moment. I’m not shooting for a loop on Instagram, I’m not doing an assigned theme (although, I may start looking to themes for more inspiration, but ones that I pick and ones I do on my time), I am not shooting as a documentation of our days; I am just shooting and it is just for me. Once I had that moment of clarity, there was no stopping me. My monthly self portrait session has turned weekly and its something I look forward to with enthusiasm (which honestly, thanks to covid, is about the only thing I look forward to these days).
I can not tell you how incredible freeing it is to have this little thing that is just mine. I can feel my creative side coming to life again, and I don’t have to worry about what I am doing or how I am doing it, I can just be in the moment. I can't tell you what your why is our what it should be, but I can say that it is important to get in front of the camera. Get in front of it for you. Get in front of it to be remembered. Get in front of it because as time passes, your loved ones will cherish not just the images you took, but the ones you were in. And so, I implore you to go out and find your why. Find your passion. Find your reason for stepping out in front of the camera, because without it, what’s the point?