Hello! I'm Melissa Ortendahl. I am a natural light, lifestyle and documentary photographer of 3 wild boys located in central Massachusetts. I was asked to share a lesson on how I get in the frame alone and with my children and so I structured this by answering the questions that I get asked a lot when it comes to me getting in the picture. I hope this helps to clear up some things, calm your fears and inspire you maybe just a little to hop in the frame with your kids (or on your own - or, hey now, maybe both!). I'm an open book, so feel free to drop me a note if you have any questions at all.
Why do you do it? My children. In the fall of 2015, I had a 5 year old and 2 - 2.5 year old boys. I found myself looking at the pictures I had from that year and aside from a handful of selfies on my phone, I was in less than 5 pictures with my children. And I thought to myself, how will they know I was there? They will have thousands of pictures of their lives, their childhood, them with their siblings, their father, their grandparents, but me, I will be missing from those memories.
If I waited for my husband to take a picture of me with the boys, well, I still wouldn't have any pictures with them. I had to figure out a different way to get in the picture with them in a way that was authentic, that was real, that was meaningful.
But I wasn't really feeling it. As a mother, and a woman, while I love being behind the camera and can help make other women feel comfortable and see themselves the way others see them, I did not like being in front of the camera. I wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to be in pictures before this. I had 3 kids in 2.5 years (how's that possible? Yup. Twins). My body was not the same. I did not recognize it. I lacked confidence and self-esteem. All I could see were the things I didn't like. Through this journey of self-portraits, those loud, negative voices inside my head have been quieted. I was able to stop focusing on me and instead looking at the faces of my children when I was in the picture with them. Pure joy. Laughter. They only cared that I was there. That was it.
How do you do it? As quickly as possible. No, but seriously. My kids have an attention span of about 2 minutes. Which is why you will rarely see a "posed" self portrait set up with my kids. I usually set up when I know we're going to be doing some kind of activity, where 1) their attention will be on something else (otherwise you'd only see silly faces and bare bottoms 2) They're interested in what we're doing, or its something we do a lot of. So for example, a lot of my self portraits with my boys are in the kitchen. Because they eat. All the time. And also because we like to bake and cook and have dance parties there. My thought process is always "what do I want to have a visual memory of?" when it comes to my kids and I. What am I going to want to remember years from now about their childhood? What are the everyday moments I'm going to miss that I don't want to forget about? How will they know I was there? That is what inspires me to set my gear up and what inspires me to get in the frame with them.
No, but like, HOW do you do it? I shoot canon, so I use my canon 6d, usually my 35mm and either my intervalometer (get one. now), or the canon app on my iPhone. I lost my intervalometer for a while (darn klepto kids), so I used the app on my phone, which works great, but does require me to continue to press the shutter button. I like the intervalometer because it allows me to set it to take 20 or 30 images (or 100 depending on my kids cooperation level) every 2 seconds and I can just be in the moment with my kids. I don't have to worry about re-focusing (I set my camera up and just keep us in the frame and same focal plane) or hitting the button - I just hit it once and for the next minute or 2 it takes however many images I tell it to. Its non-obtrusive, and I don't have to worry about it. I find it especially helpful when I'm shooting out in public with my kids.
Sometimes I use a tripod, but honestly, I usually use whatever I have lying around. A pile of books, a table, I used a bucket once while we were out blueberry picking, my purse - really whatever is handy. Cause most of the time, I don't pre-plan my portraits. I'm in the moment and decide that I want to capture it. So I'm not usually lugging my tripod around. Or my intervalometer - but I typically always have my camera and my phone. So I make it work. You get some pretty interesting perspectives when you have to use what you have around you. Don't be afraid to get a little weird.
Sometimes you're in the frame alone. What's that about? I started this self-portrait journey to get in the frame with my kids. What I found through this journey of self-portraits, is that at 36.5 years old, for the first time ever, I am not at war with my body. I'm sure some of that has to do with age, but when I see my self-portraits, my inner dialogue is positive. Supportive. Encouraging. My physical reflection and my inner perspective on myself are starting to line up. It's a really beautiful thing.
Getting in the frame alone is therapeutic for me. A completely different way to express myself. If I'm having a bad day, I throw on an outfit I feel good in, some music I love and I just dance in front of the camera.
I have a "selfie spot" in my house that I use a lot. Fortunately, it's got amazing light. Unfortunately, my neighbors kitchen window looks directly into the window where I shoot. I'm sure she thinks I'm super weird. And since I tend to lose clothes during my self portrait sessions, I'm also sure she's seen me partially naked. Sorry neighbor.
When it's just me, I can do whatever I want. Be whoever I want. Create however I want. There's lots of images that have never seen the light of day to anyone other than me. Some I've shared on my social media. I'm planning to make an album. Yes, I realize that may come off as self-centered. But here's my 2 cents on that: I am being self-centered when I get in the frame. For those 15-20 minutes, I'm re-connecting with the woman inside. The artist that needs to be nurtured.
I give gladly, happily to my children, my family, my husband every day. Those few minutes of quiet in front of my camera are where I get to focus on myself. How I feel. What I need to express. Where I get to create. It IS about me. And I happen to think that's okay.
Also, 40 years from now, when gravity has taken hold and I'm rocking my grand babies on my lap, I can pull that album out and say, "See! Grandma looked good!"
Any final thoughts? You'll never regret getting in the frame with your kids. Ever. I don't stand on ceremony when I get in the image with them. 99% of the time I am unshowered, in my pajamas or whatever I threw on to get them ready for school. My hair isn't brushed and I have no make-up on. That's me. That's the stage of life I'm in right now.
Your kids aren't going to remember you were in your Sunday finest with your hair did. They are going to remember that you were there.
So mamas (and papas) - I beg you. Just be there. Unwashed hair, tired eyes, extra pounds, wrinkled shirt. Just be there.
*Back in 2018 when Melissa wrote this lesson, she went Live on our Facebook group. She goes over a lot of technical aspects of setting your camera up for self portraits. That video is saved and you can watch it HERE.
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